


How Do I Not Miss You When You Are Gone? (DOMINICK "SONNY" CARISI)

by RockWithItWriting



Category: Law & Order: SVU, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit RPF
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-07-20
Packaged: 2018-07-25 16:00:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7538983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RockWithItWriting/pseuds/RockWithItWriting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Word count:1680</p><p>Requested: Yes</p><p>Warnings: Cursing, unrequited love, age difference</p><p>I really liked this one but it ended up so angsty and shit, all I can say is that I am a teenager and I am filled with angst and I love Sonny Carisi so so so much</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Do I Not Miss You When You Are Gone? (DOMINICK "SONNY" CARISI)

It wasn’t your fault.

Even though it really kind of was.

You had started at SVU because of your technical school- some on the job training that you, and only you, had scored because of your father’s position on the team. You were the only one that the school felt was smart enough, capable enough and safe enough with them to be able to shadow SVU twenty four seven.

You were in love with it.

Your father, Odafin Tutuola, was not.

He hated that you were ‘officially’ on the team, and that you would be for the rest of the school year. He resented every moment you were in the field with him, every instant you ended up going out to interview a suspect with Carisi and Amaro and every second you were interrogating someone with Benson. Not that he hated spending every day with you after sixteen years of sitters and juggling custody with your mother, he loved spending time with you. He didn’t love spending time with you when you were in dangerous situations, a target painted on your back by sex criminals and traffickers.

You? You loved it. The danger, the rush, the idea that you were seventeen years old helping put child molesters and rapists behind bars. You had closed nearly seven cases, giving the team a different angle to look at. Carisi, specifically, admired you for that.

He ended up taking you on as his third partner with Amaro more than anyone else and soon both boys were protective of you. Nick would step in front of you when a suspect ended up confronting the three of you, Sonny would keep an eye out on your backside. It’s just how it was.

That’s how you ended up having a crush on Sonny Carisi. You were only a few months shy of seventeen, the age of consent, and you cursed every moment you spent with him on the job, collecting notes, because it only made your crush on him stronger. You knew he wouldn’t go for you because you were Little Tutuola, or Lil’ Tutti, sixteen years old and off limits.

You hated it.

“Hey, kid, what’cha lookin’ at?” Nick let himself fall onto the chair next to you, startling the pen out of your hand. You had been staring out into space when you had been supposed to be writing down a case review.

“Nothing,” You mumbled, still dazed from losing yourself in your thoughts, “What about you, Nicky? Anything interesting?” He leaned onto your desk, looking at you.

“Just the fact that you’ve been staring at our one, and only, Detective Carisi for the past half hour.” You rolled your eyes and smirked.

“So what? I spaced out.”

“Denial,” He snarked, “You’re denying it aggressively instead of just giving and admitting to it,” You looked at Nick and gestured for him to explain, “In interrogation that’s a sign of guilt, an admission without admitting it. Write it down, that’s one of the first things they teach you.” You sighed and made a note in the margins of your case review, in the shorthand that only you really understood.

“Thanks, Nick, for teaching me that valuable lesson,” The sarcasm was heavy on your tongue but he understood and smirked, shoulders shaking with laughter.

“You really _are_ Fin’s kid,” He observed, “Got the same wit that he does, dry humor.” Your eyes unconsciously flickered to your dad, who was talking and laughing heartily with Olivia.

“Well, he did raise me. What did you expect? For me to be polite? As if,” You laughed with Nick, the stress of going over the case of the repeat child molester weighing on you. These cases, you hated them, hated how the children looked scared and vulnerable looking up at the Detectives, especially the male ones. You had nightmares about it, not that you would ever tell the counselor that your school assigned you to see or your father.

“Hey, if you got a crush on Carisi, I won’t tell.” Nick whispered, a glint of glee in his eyes, “I promise.” You scoffed.

“If I did, why would I tell you?” You smirked at Nick when he shrugged, “Get it together, Amaro, you’re a detective.” Nick leaned back in his seat and kicked his feet up on your desk, putting his hands behind his head as he grinned at you. It was the smile that he reserved for interrogation, when he knew that he won. You leaned back, too, and looked at Nick with a raised eyebrow.

“Good point, too bad you just did.” He stood and slapped the desk before he patted your shoulder and meandered away, “Finish your review. We don’t need your teachers in the precinct barking at us for letting you fall behind on your work.” You sighed at Nick and flipped him the bird behind your father’s back and he returned the favor behind Olivia’s.

* * *

You knew things were amiss when Rollins traded your for your father, when Olivia began assigning you to Nick instead of herself, when Nick looked guilty every time you questioned the moves the team made. You knew that he had told them, probably over drinks when you were home asleep or when you were at your friend’s sweet sixteen because, you know, you were only sixteen years old.

You weren’t old enough to go out for drinks with the squad, to hang out with them outside of work, to know about their lives. You were a child, a teenager in a place you shouldn’t be.

When you realized Nick told you didn’t know how to feel. Should you feel angry, betrayed? Maybe morose? Sad? In the end you just burned with hurt and anger, tears pricking your eyes every time you saw Nick and Sonny together, or every time you were sat in the backseat taking notes as they drove to a crime scene. You couldn’t help it, you knew it was a schoolyard crush and purely because he was an attractive authority figure who treated you like an adult, but still. Did Nick really have to tell?

You cornered him one day after Rollins had cracked a joke about how you had a taste for older men in front of, not only Sonny himself, but your father. Nick was getting water for a victim when you met him at the fountain, boiling with rage.

“How _could_ you?” Your voice was low, a whisper, and it cracked under the weight of your tears, “How could you tell them? You promised!”

He set the water cup down and held up his hands, “Woah, slow down, Tutti. What are you talking about?” You shook a finger in his face.

“Don’t play stupid, Nick, I know you told them. You told them and you promised you wouldn’t!” Realization dawned on him, and he grabbed your shoulders, shushing you and shaking his head.

“I didn’t tell them!” He said, “I promised you that I wouldn’t tell them and I didn’t. _Lo juro!_ ” You shook your head and wiped your eyes with the palm of your hand.

“They know, Nick, they all know. Even Sonny knows. Do you understand what that means? I’m humiliated!” He sighed and rubbed a hand across his forehead, pulling you in for a hug.

“I don’t know how they found out but it wasn’t me.” You shook in his arms, shame overtaking you, “ _Lo juro,_ ” Nick sighed, “ _Lo juro._ ”  
  
“Nick, it’s not even a real crush. It’s just, it’s just because he’s an authority figure. It’ll go away but now they all know, Nick!” He shushed you and raised his head.

“Hey, I have to go get this water to our vic. Stay here.” Nick let you go, leaving you standing at the water fountain as footsteps approached from behind. You didn’t want to face whoever it was, didn’t want to feel humiliated and shameful over something that you couldn’t control or change. A hand closed around your shoulder and whoever it belonged to leaned down to whisper in your ear.

“Hey, come with me. We need to talk, okay?” You gaped at Sonny’s back as he walked to the crash room, back straight, hands in his slack pockets. You timidly followed after him, wringing your hands when he shut the door behind you. He gestured for you to sit down on the bed and he took his place on the one across from you. “Your dad sent me.” And you scoffed.

Maybe Nick hadn’t told, maybe it had been your father. You had told one of your friends about the rather attractive detective that called everyone, even men, doll. Had your father heard you talking about it over the phone?

“Yeah?” You nodded, crossing your leg, “Why?” He looked at you.

“You know why.”  
  
“Yeah, I do know why. I just don’t want to talk about it. It’ll go away.”  
  
“I understand that,” Sonny said, “I do. Happened to me all the time when I was your age and in high school. I had this teacher and she was smokin’ hot and I had a huge crush on her but once I realized I was fifteen and she was forty, it went away.” You snorted at the thought of Sonny fresh out of puberty, crushing on a forty year old who was trying to look twenty. He grinned when he saw you laughing, nodding along to his story, “It’s natural. And it doesn’t change who you are to me. You’re still a great person. You’re a good cop already and an even better detective. You’re good at interrogating, good at figuring out patterns. You’re going to go far in this unit, if you want to, Doll. Don’t feel like you have to be ashamed of what you feel, just know that you’re not going to get anywhere with flattery.” You flushed.

“I’m sixteen, Sonny, that’s illegal on at least four levels. I’m not stupid.” He nodded and patted your knee.

“I think I’ll personally take you under my wing, teach you everything I know.”  
  
“That’s not much, is it?”


End file.
